Equality, Friendship and Pain

Why is it that my family thinks we're better than everyone else out there? They lecture me day in and day out how 'we' are so much better than 'white' people because we are smarter and we have long term aspirations when they don't. Wtf. Is that gay or what?

Not only that, my family members turn on each other, backstab and gossip. This uncle is stupid because he went to a white school, my grandma's son in law is an idiot because he makes crap decisions and he speaks like a 'commoner'.

Then it's adults who are better than the 'children'. Needless to say they consider me still a child hence I am in that category. It's not that they THINK they show us how we are so much more inferior compared to them.

At massive family dinners children has to sit on the ground and eat off this tiny coffee table with plastic spoons and forks from plastic bowls and they food is limited and 'crap' compared to the adults. The adults get to sit at the dining table and eat way more food than we do. Is that fair?

*sigh* My mum is alot like that, she believes adults should get better quality stuff compared to us kids. When guests are over she takes out really good food and gives it to the guests while we have to sit in another room and shut up and have no food.

I've always had arguments with my mum, on equality and how we are all equal, yes, they are adults and we respect them because in some ways they are 'wiser' and our elders so we respect them. But this.. how they are more superior is bullshit. I'm sick of getting second grade food, I'm sick of sitting on the ground, I'm sick of being treated like a non human by them.

Not just humans, my mum hates animals, she hates pets, she hates how they cost money to feed she hates how you have to bathe them, she hates it. When we prepare their food, we can't prepare it on the kitchen table, we have to prepare it on the ground because dog food doesnt belong on human tables. She refuses to let them inside our house because she says they're dirty things and would ruin the house. She refuses to let them on the decking because the decking is for 'our' use only. When we bathe them she doesnt allow us to wash the dogs inside the house only outside because, once again, dogs are dirty creatures....

Not just dogs, all of our pets, our fishes even....

I guess.. thats why one of my dogs ran away. Coco.

He ran away two nights ago but I wasn't informed of until last night. I was sick the previus night with what I think was food poisoning. The back door was left open and of course Coco ran off. My other dog Bean stayed because I told him it's bad to leave unless I'm there. My dogs, only listen to me and my uncle... *sigh*

Who left the back door open? My mum. That's why she didnt want to tell me that he ran away because you know why? It's HER fault. My mum never admits thats she wrong, even if its blatantly obvious she'll start yelling at me for being disrespectful and shit like how I'm her child not her mother so I should listen to what she says and what she says is right.

I did have another dog a long time ago. maybe 4-5years? It also ran away because the door was left open.. Remember something similar?

Maybe right now, you might think that yeah, I can go to the pound and look for it, I can put up posters. But that quite impossible in this situation. Not quite impossible but... I'm not allwed to by my parents.

See my parents, are tight arses and knowing my mum she hates spending money on something as 'worthless' as a dog. Hence our dogs were never registered. Even if we do find it at the pound, even if we do put up posters, there is a risk of a massive fine. My parents don't want that at all, even if it is their fault for getting the fine.

I wish he would come back, Bean keeps whining for Coco to come back. I miss Coco, he would always come up to me whenever I go outside. He looks so cute, like a mini lion. His fur was so nice and fluffy that stuck out. It was golden brown. Hehehe, he had a mane that made him look like a lion. Come to think of it, Coco almost looks like Khanat's Rafael only bigger and with more fur. I only have a few good photos of him, maybe, I'll post them up once I get better internet.

Working with my family turned out to be a horrible choice. My aunty owns a cafe out in the city and asked if i wanted to WORK there. At first I declined saying that I was too busy but inwardly I did it because I didn't want to work with my family. But in the end I said yes because I was desperate for money. I wanted to buy my friends and my sisters some christmas presents. Also I wanted money to go out because I have no access to my bank account whatsoever.

But it didnt turn out that well. My job goes from 9 to 3 everyday. Monday to Friday. I wake up at 7 take the bus at 10 to 8 then catch the train to get to work by 9. Then at 3 I catch the train home. The job... it's hard honestly... Especially since we're in the business district of the city a lot of business people come in around lunch times ordering freshly made sandwhichs and soup noodles and set lunches.

It's hard because theres so many people, and I'm the only one that really serves them. Because my aunties can't speak english very well and keep stuffing up orders making the people angry or annoyed because it means they've wasted their lunch breaks. And also, waitressing, they can't really do the job.

But thats not all... i was expecting to get paid after a week. I worked 7 days, 5 hours each day. I didn't expect much so i calculated that i should get 10 dollars an hour (less than what i got for my other jobs) for 35 hours. So that brings it to 350. But then I felt generous so I minused 50 bucks for the 'food' and drinks that I had a work. So 300.

In the end... for 7 days I got paid... 150???????? By then I was feeling pissed off.. 150 for 7 days. That's almost like work experience. I didnt get paid jack shit. And I was even more pissed because I knew that I can't ask them for more money because they only paid when I started talking about my last job how I got PAID at the end of each day...

Needless to say I was angry, pissed off, annoyed and sad because.. I didn't have money to buy presesnts for people, let alone enough money for my next years school books plus money for the transport. Their reason? Because I'm family I'm just HELPING. I hate them.

Good side to it is at the end of the day my friends come out to visit me and I get to hang out with them in the city before I have to head home. But then I quickly realise that I don't even have the money to hang out.

Some days it sucks for me. But luckily I have my friends I guess they're the ones that keep me sane through out it all. They mean ALOT to me. I can't really describe how much they mean to me, but trust me they do. They've kept me... alive.

For that I am thankful as always. And so, I have started writing out lists of things about people who make me smile, who make me happy, who make me forget about all the bad things that has happened to me.

I love you all.

Yantp.

Accidents: Got food poisoning.

Happiness and Sadness

Gay my internet is gay.. first time in a long time. I THINK that i used up all the downloads in two weeks which i think is impossible since i have about 34 gigs... only been watching dramas online and dl music. It's gay cos now im stuck with crappy internet for the rest of the month.. i understand how it feels to have sucky internet now T.T

What to do now? Usually I spend my time on facebook playing apps such as tetris (lol) or pets society (double lol) but now i cant because it wont load!!! Took ages to actually sign into my blog as well *sigh* It takes a while for me to sign into msn as well T.T

I guess I can actually put more time into my other interests now. I've started up sewing as one of my other interests XD I've made a pillow case already XD now to make the blanket... It's quite fun actually, getting to design and make stuff and it's actually cheaper as well... that is if you have a really good sewing machine at home or else u have to go buy one which cost tonnes. Not really but you do need a machine that can do overlocking and stuff as well XD

I don't have any room on my bed anymore T.T it's been taken over by plushies!!! Lolz.

Hmm... I realise I do have quite alot... but their so adorable!! Especially my hello kitty plushies but those stay on the shelf cos I don't want to squish them in my sleep. I also realised that most of the plushies that i've got are won from photoworld down in bourke street and I won them myself XD although SOME are won by my baby tho... heheh SOME!!! BUT he did win me a giant tofu today. I was sooo happy!!!!

Ran into my aunty today at the bus stop while waiting with my baby to catch the bus home.... T.T HOPEFULLY she didnt see me give my baby a kiss for winning me the tofu... But I'm so freaked out because as soon as I did she looked at me... but then when i approached her she seemed... oblivious to it? Ended up getting the same bus and her ignoring him and questioning me about stuffs... T.T

I wonder whats going to happen... as my familiy extremelly strict... no boyfriend until whenever the decide you can have a boyfriend. I have a feeling thats when I finish Uni. Also VIETNAMESE. My boyfriend has to be vietnamese. The shittest thing I've heard ever. My family thinks their so great because we all stick together and we're all viet and they think we're better then everyone else. As well as being vietnamese he has to be doing something asian like medicine or dentistry or some shit AND he has to be from a 'respectable' family with the same way of thinking as them. *sigh*

I don't ever want my baby or my friends to be ever exposed to my family.. I feel sad that my friends have to be subjected to their criticism and shit... T.T

Guess I'm feeling kinda.. sad, scared... about the future? I don't know... I want to enjoy my life before they take over but I constantly live in fear of them.

Fear of them and fear of... others around me? What are they thinking.. do they hate me? Do they think im intolerable? Do the despise me because I'm the way I am? Honestly I TRIED to not think those things.. and I tried to be outgoing and get to know everyone. But then... it backfires bringing me those insecure thoughts.

I wonder why people like to gossip about other people? Is it just a conversation starter? Or does it make the person who talks about it feel important? Or just makes them more knowledgeable about people around them?

Personally I dislike gossip... Guess thats why I never really hung around girls. It's always some girl is fatter then the other, backstabbing, how this girl is ugly how shes not as pretty etc I really can't stand it. Especially if its backstabbing and bitching combined all in one.. It really does piss me off.

But what I am to say? I do sometimes say bad things about other people... but I do that about people that I do KNOW somewhat and have talked to them. Honestly I don't really hate or dislike that many people.. Only people who really PISS ME OFF. I do try, yeah they may have something about them that I dislike but I try and learn more about them.
Hm...

Anyways.. that's all for tonight I'm tired.. been sick today plus I have work tomorrow again *sigh* I wonder when I'm getting paid.. Christmas is so soon, I want to buy presents for people...

Until next time,

Yantp

Accidents: Kept walking and tripping over the bin at work today.

Very first blog on blogspot... or is it?

Hey guys, I actually realised that I do have multiple blogging accounts floating around on the net but ive forgotten them XP

Gah dunno why I feel like blogging now, I think it's cos I work 9-3 everday in the city, meaning I have to wake up at 7 get ready catch bus at 7.45 then train at 8 to get to work??? And also work is extremely slow between 9-11 so I start surfing the net.

So anyways, tired, not working tomorrow cos I have to babysit my sisters tomorrow gaaaaayyy...

Hmm... today during work these two hotties came in.. they look cross between those korean actors/asian teeny boppers but anyway one of them was uber uber cute and he had this gorgeous smile XDXDXD....

But then... I found out he was gay... with the other guy... wtf?????? But he had such a manly voice and and T.T I mean... sounding like that but sitting and gazing into the other guys eyes and sighing and playing with each others hands is like.. uber gay.... WTF???

Lol

Ehh thats it for today? tonight? yesterday??? lolz, hopefully i will be able to update this blog unlike all the other ones I had.

Accidents: Walked in the display fridge handle which dug into my shoulders. I was trying to avoid walking into a customer but I walked into the fridge instead XP